By Curtis Peter van Gorder
I recently went through a very deep experience. I suffered a life-threatening blood clot that went to my lung, which, combined with a severe case of pneumonia, almost bought me a one-way ticket to Glory Land. I was shocked when I looked in the mirror and saw myself. In a few days, I had gone from a fairly robust guy to someone who looked to be in his 90s and could barely walk. There is nothing like sickness to humble you and make you desperate! (Note: This article was written in 2012, when I lived in Jordan.)
I am being released today after being in the hospital for ten days. Having had plenty of time to reflect, I would like to share some of those thoughts with you. Besides being stuck with needles, hooked up to drips, and swallowing a lot of ugly-tasting medicine, it has been a very positive, special time in my life. It was as if I were lifted by the arms of God and brought to a quiet garden to meditate on my life.
I have been very fortunate to have had good health for most of my life. I can’t remember ever being hospitalized before, so this time was unique. I am usually work-oriented, so slowing down and concentrating on surviving was a new experience for me.
This has certainly given me a new perspective on the blessings of health. I made a resolution that when I got better, I would try to cooperate with my body by adopting healthier daily eating and exercise habits.
Tottering with one toe over the chasm between life and death made me realize what really matters—to love God and others. This was nothing I didn’t already know, but there is a big difference between knowing something and making it a big part of your life.It is like the difference between looking forward to going on a trip after having bought the airline tickets and going to the airport and boarding the plane.
I have been on the receiving end of a lot of love from my friends, family, and co-workers in the form of their prayers and messages of love and concern, for which I am so thankful. Many people prayed regularly for my quick healing, which was probably a major contributing factor to my condition improving dramatically in just 48 hours.
This time also gave me compassion for those who suffer far worse than I do from serious illnesses such as cancer or kidney failure. My heart also went out to the many innocent victims of senseless wars who were injured in bomb attacks or shootings. This sickness was a God-given opportunity for me to experience the suffering that millions of others do daily.
Too often, suffering is caused by man’s inhumanity to man, in the form of war, greed, hate, or revenge. But other times, suffering swoops down upon us and picks us up in its talons to carry us to a land we know not of.
Like the roc, that fabulous giant bird of the Arabian Nights that seized elephants to feast on them in the mountains, so we are sometimes carried away against our will to experience sickness. But unlike that malevolent bird, ours is a bird of grace. We are not to be devoured as flesh for the prey, but rather to learn how to pray. Sometimes not even in words, but in the groaning of our heart.
As I learned what had happened to my body, I was very thankful that my sickness, as serious as it was, was not worse. The blood clot could have gone to my heart or to my brain, which could have been fatal.
I wondered what would have happened if I had lived in an earlier generation where much of today’s medical knowledge was unknown. American President George Washington died in 1799 of pneumonia. One of the reasons he died was due to the incompetence of his doctors, who treated him with frequent bloodletting.
I was thankful for my doctors’ skill in helping me recover. Finding out what specific illness I had was half the battle. At first, they thought it was a muscle spasm, or perhaps an appendicitis attack, or one of a dozen other things. But as more tests were conducted, it became clear what the problem was. The way my doctor explained the process was that at first my sickness “looked like a duck,” then, as more tests were given, it started to “walk and quack like a duck,” until finally they knew beyond a doubt that “it was a duck.”
Just as mechanics are knowledgeable about cars, doctors can assist in diagnosing our conditions and treating our bodies. But ultimately our times are in His hands (Psalm 31:15), and the Lord is the great physician.
We also made many friends among the nurses and other patients during our stay at the hospital. I was greatly impressed with how dedicated and hardworking the nurses are. They study at medical college for years before they can become nurses, and then, after graduating, they work long hours for a minimal salary. One night, the nurses took a break from their busy rounds and sat down to listen as I told them some of my stories in between coughs. We have also had a lot of fun learning the language together.
It was very precious how the children I knew responded to my sickness by visiting me and giving me get-well cards. One card had a picture of a castle, representing my body, guarded by soldiers (my immune system), with an angel hovering above it. Its wings were shaped like lungs, decorated with glitter to remind me that soon my lungs would be just as sparkly. A three-year-old boy gave me a pink piece of paper with some dots and squiggles on it. When I asked him what it was, he told me it was “the universe,” a new word he had just learned. No doubt he was trying to get my mind off my sickness and give me the heavenly vision. It worked.
This sickness has been a beautiful time in some ways. One in which I would naturally prefer to savor the rose's scent without grabbing the thorns again, but even then, if it must be, so be it. This experience has prepared me for what may come.
I have found that with the pain of sickness, God also gives a healing balm to soothe our suffering. When we are restored, we are better for it all and more able to understand the afflictions of others. We have gained compassion as we could not have known before.
We have a deeper gratitude for the gift of health that we once took for granted. And one day, when we can run, dance, and play tennis again, oh, how joyous that will be!
Likewise the Spirit also helps our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.—Romans 8:26
