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In Titus 3 Paul charges Titus: “Remind [the people] to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people” (verses 1–2).
God doesn’t send his church into the [world] with a strut and an open mouth but with gentleness and courtesy—with a readiness to do good, to avoid quarrels, and to speak evil of no one.
Why gentleness and courtesy? Why such an unexpected posture? Paul follows with his reason:
“For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life” (verses 3–7).
Those who have been rescued by God’s grace are to engage those who haven’t with gentleness and courtesy and a readiness to do them good and not evil. We should be quick to remember that apart from God’s saving work—and owing to no work of our own—we share in the same disobedient, enslaved foolishness.
Our posture shouldn’t be one of anger and triumphalism but compassion and humility. We remember that what saved us from our foolishness wasn’t a political debate or a ballot box but the gospel about Jesus and the sovereign working of God.
We engage as recovering fools with empathy for the foolish.—David Mathis1
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John Boyd was a young man who had studied at a college and was confident that he would succeed in life. He believed in the importance of courtesy. In truth, courtesy was part of his personal philosophy.
He got a job as a porter in the House of Representatives in Washington.
One day a gentleman who appeared to be an important businessman approached the doorman and asked the doorman where he could locate Senator Sergeant, from California.
The doorman, who evidently did not give importance to the philosophy of courtesy, in a very pompous way made the gentleman understand that he had enough to do to follow the Senators.
Boyd heard the conversation, and it seemed to him that this attitude of the doorman was not in accordance with his principles of how to treat people, so he caught up with the gentleman and promised that he would find the Senator if he was in the building.
His gesture was greatly appreciated. Boyd found the Senator and the gentleman came to see him.
The gentleman, very grateful for Boyd’s attention, handed him his card and asked him to come and see him at his hotel in the afternoon. When Boyd looked at the card, he was surprised to discover that this unknown gentleman was none other than Collis P. Huntington, the eminent President of the Railroads. He was known as “one of the Big Four” of western railroading
When they met at the hotel, Mr. Huntington offered Boyd a position in his important company, with an excellent salary.
“But,” said the young man, “I don’t understand anything about the railroad business.”
“But you know how to be a gentleman,” replied Mr. Huntington, ”and that is what many here are ignorant of.”
John Boyd accepted the position.
After a year his salary was doubled. Later it tripled.
Is it worth being courteous? Of course, yes.
There is nothing that costs so little and is worth as much as courtesy. It is an external expression of inner goodness. It is an indication that the person has a noble heart and delights in serving.
Erastus Wiman said: “Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of pleasures, costs nothing, and conveys much.”— Jesús Salazar2
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I often feel discouraged with the state of the world. I read the newspaper and watch the evening news report and sometimes I get just plain upset! Why is there so much discord—why can’t people try to get along with each other? Yet, they say that when we point our accusing finger at others, there are three fingers of our own hand pointing back to ourselves. So then I have to ask myself—Have I done anything today to be a part of the solution, even if only in my own neighborhood? The hopeless “what’s the use?” mentality is not only defeatist, but it just isn’t a great way to live our lives!
My friend Margaret tells the following story of an incident in her apartment building:
“In our building we have a chat group for residents. We use it for announcements, to sell things, and sometimes to vent our frustrations. A few days ago, a dozen or more people were angry about an opinion expressed in the chat. Ugly, strong, and offensive things were said.
“I was deeply saddened and upset and considered leaving the group.
“Then I had a feeling that this was the wrong reaction, and that I should share my feelings in the chat, even though I seldom participate.
“So I asked God to help me speak in love and courtesy to these people whom I don’t know and can’t identify, even though it’s possible we sometimes ride the elevator together!
“I wrote that it is sad to treat each other this way, that we need to be courteous—there is already so much violence and aggression on the street. We need to be able to return home after a long day and find a refuge of love among us. I also wrote that if we can speak courteously and kindly to each other, we will create a climate of security and protection within our building.
“I was expecting a barrage of nasty and cynical replies. But no, there was a general silence and a couple of ‘likes.’ I was thankful for the likes and took the silence as a sign of respect—the subject was now closed.
“I could feel God at work, wanting to restore our hearts. Yesterday I shared in our online group an inspirational quote and thanked everyone for being such good neighbors. This time there were more likes and a couple of people also shared their wishes that we all would enjoy a good day! This was a first!
“Though I had felt timid, I was glad I had offered an alternative to the aggressive criticisms. And once again, a little love goes a long, long way.”
Margaret’s intervention was simple, yet it took a fair amount of courage and effort to say the right words to defuse a potentially complicated situation among the residents of her apartment building. It reminds me of the Bible verse, “A gentle answer turns away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1).—Sally Garcia
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Many men fail because they do not see the importance of being kind and courteous to the men under them. Kindness to everybody always pays for itself. And, besides, it is a pleasure to be kind.—Charles M. Schwab
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One who is kind is sympathetic and gentle with others. He is considerate of others’ feelings and courteous in his behavior. He has a helpful nature. Kindness pardons others’ weaknesses and faults. Kindness is extended to all—to the aged and the young, to animals, to those low of station as well as the high.—Ezra Taft Benson
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Courtesy is as much a mark of a gentleman as courage.—Theodore Roosevelt
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The true greatness of a person, in my view, is evident in the way he or she treats those with whom courtesy and kindness are not required.—Joseph B. Wirthlin
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All doors open to courtesy.—Thomas Fuller
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A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.—Saint Basil
Published on Anchor May 2026. Read by Debra Lee. Music by Michael Fogarty.
1 David Mathis, “Practicing Politics as Former Fools,” Desiring God, August 29, 2008, https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/practicing-politics-as-former-fools
2 Jesús Salazar, “How Showing Courtesy Can Lead to Success,” Medium, November 21, 2020, https://medium.com/afwp/how-showing-courtesy-can-lead-to-success-8a7477f409cd
